just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
