ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize