So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Enjoy the penises
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
