just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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