WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
How's work?
Spinning.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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