I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My feet surprised me
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
