i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
