it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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