dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
