I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize