FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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