My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
