We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
