They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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