I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
