I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.