Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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