I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
