Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
