the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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