his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
