it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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