he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
