I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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