Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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