Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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