You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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