I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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