hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
