At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
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I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
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I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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