I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
