you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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