I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I could fuck to npr.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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