He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
