he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
