i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
