In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
