she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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