I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
