I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
