Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
