I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
