She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
