I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
