You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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