I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
