I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
