dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
