Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
