Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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