I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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