Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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