There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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