It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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