my sisters under your porch take her home
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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