dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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