I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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