Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
