Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
