Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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