I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
