Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I see more hoeing in ur future
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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