my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
We need to rekindle our bromance
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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