Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
