I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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