Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
