so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
