help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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