My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
