I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
