I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
