Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
