I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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