Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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