So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Randomize
